I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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