oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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