My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just tell him i said nine months
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize