69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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