the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
