i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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