i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
