If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
