Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
