I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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