Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
