do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
