Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
