The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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