if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
