i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
