they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
