sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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