You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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