Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
