Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
you never un-have a 4some
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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