So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
