I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
