2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
