Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
