well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
