My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
