I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
