so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
