anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
