I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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