I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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