Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
