Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
