I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
