Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
