Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
