Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
