I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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