A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
