so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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