Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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