She's JV to your varsity
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
