Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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