Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
