I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
