I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
