Where did you get a picture of my penis
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
