I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
