booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
