let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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