im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
