Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
