We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
