Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
