Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
