brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
