You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
