Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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