Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
did i just pee glitter
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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