my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
