She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
