I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
