Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize