She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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