After last night, I could never be a politician.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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