And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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